If I Can Be an Artist Without a Mind's Eye, So Can You: A Self-Taught Creative's Journey
The story of how a psychology graduate with aphantasia became a thriving surface pattern designer—and why your creative "limitations" might actually be your greatest strengths
The Day I Realized My Brain Works Differently (And Why That's Actually Beautiful)
I was scrolling through Instagram when I saw another artist sharing something that stopped me in my tracks. She was talking about aphantasia—the inability to visualize images in your mind—and describing experiences that sounded exactly like mine.
"I can't picture things in my head," she wrote. "When people say 'close your eyes and imagine a red apple,' I see nothing but darkness."
My heart started racing. Wait. Other people can actually see things when they close their eyes? Like, actually see them? Not just... think about them?
That was my moment of realization: I have aphantasia. What I thought was completely normal—seeing absolutely nothing when I tried to "visualize"—was actually different. And suddenly, so many things about my creative journey started making sense.
Growing Up "Different" (Before I Knew I Was Different)
As a child, I always loved drawing. I'd spend hours sketching Dragon Ball Z characters, completely absorbed in bringing these figures to life on paper. But I never understood why other kids could draw "from imagination" while I always needed the show playing or a reference picture right in front of me.
I just thought I wasn't as naturally gifted, I told myself.
When it came time for university, I chose psychology and neuroscience—a path I genuinely loved. But art remained my secret companion. Even during my most intense study sessions, I'd find myself doodling in the margins, drawing during breaks, creating whenever my hands were free.
Art wasn't just a hobby—it was how I breathed.
The Plot Twist That Changed Everything
Life has a way of redirecting us when we least expect it. After graduation, I was working in my psychology field when a car accident changed everything. I lost my job during recovery and fell into a deep depression. I felt completely lost, wondering who I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to do.
In that dark space, I reached for the one thing that had always brought me comfort: drawing.
Not for a career. Not for social media. Just for me. Just to remember who I was beneath all the confusion and pain.
And slowly, with each sketch, I started to come back to myself.
That's when I made the decision that would transform my life: I was going to pursue art professionally. Not because I had it all figured out, but because art was the only thing that made me feel truly alive.
The Reality of Being Self-Taught (Spoiler: It's Messier Than Instagram Makes It Look)
Being a self-taught artist with aphantasia meant I had to figure out everything the hard way. I couldn't just "visualize" how colors would work together or "picture" how my final piece would look. I couldn't build a mental visual library like other artists described.
My early attempts were... well, let's just say they didn't match the vision in my heart.
I'd spend hours trying to create something, only to step back and think, This doesn't feel right, but I can't figure out why. Without the ability to visualize the end result or recall visual references from memory, I was essentially creating blind.
I felt like I was trying to paint a sunset while wearing a blindfold.
The worst part? I thought everyone else just had some natural artistic instinct that I was missing. I didn't realize my brain was simply processing creativity differently.
The Instagram Validation Trap (And How It Almost Broke Me)
As I started sharing my art online, I fell into the comparison trap that catches so many of us. I'd post a piece I was proud of, then watch as it got minimal engagement while other artists' work seemed to effortlessly go viral.
Maybe I'm just not good enough, I told myself. Maybe some people are born to be artists, and some aren't.
The validation I was seeking from Instagram became a source of constant disappointment. I was measuring my artistic worth by likes, comments, and follows—a metric that had nothing to do with my actual creative growth or the joy art brought to my life.
I was on the verge of giving up when I realized something crucial: I was creating for external validation instead of internal expression.
That's when I made one of the best decisions of my creative journey—I stepped away from Instagram and started drawing just for me again.
The Breakthrough: Systems Are My Superpower
Here's where my story takes a beautiful turn. When I stopped trying to create like other artists and started honoring how my brain actually works, everything changed.
I couldn't visualize, so I created external visual systems:
Color palettes saved in folders because I couldn't "see" which colors worked together
Mood boards of my own artwork so I could remember what I loved about my style
Step-by-step creative prompts because I couldn't imagine where to start
Reference libraries organized by theme because my brain couldn't store visual memories
Templates and guides because I needed external structure for my creativity
What I initially saw as limitations became my creative methodology. What felt like disadvantages became strategic advantages.
I wasn't broken—I just needed different tools.
The Moment I Realized Aphantasia Is Actually My Creative Superpower
About a year into developing my systematic approach, something incredible happened. I could create beautiful, cohesive artwork faster than many of my "naturally gifted" artist friends.
Why? Because while they relied on their visualization abilities and sometimes got stuck in creative blocks, I had built foolproof systems that guided me from blank canvas to finished piece every single time.
My color palettes were intentionally curated. My prompts were strategically chosen. My references were meticulously organized. My creative process was efficient because it had to be.
I realized that my aphantasia hadn't limited my creativity—it had forced me to become a more strategic, systematic, and ultimately more productive artist.
What My Children Taught Me About Seeing Differently
Having children unlocked something profound in my artistic journey. Watching my little ones discover the world with such curiosity and wonder showed me that there are infinite ways to experience and interpret beauty.
My son notices the way shadows dance on walls. My son is fascinated by the texture of tree bark. They see magic in details I would have overlooked—and they've taught me to slow down and really observe instead of trying to visualize.
Through their eyes, I've learned that not being able to picture things in my mind has made me more present with what's actually in front of me. I notice textures, patterns, and color relationships more deeply because I have to see them, not just imagine them.
My children showed me that my different way of seeing isn't a limitation—it's a gift.
The Truth About "Natural Talent" (Spoiler: It's Not What You Think)
Here's something I wish I had known earlier: The most successful artists aren't necessarily the ones with the most "natural" ability. They're the ones who develop the most effective systems and stick with them consistently.
My aphantasia forced me to build these systems from day one. While other artists might create intuitively, I create strategically. While they might visualize their end result, I build toward it step by methodical step.
And you know what? Both approaches create beautiful art.
The secret isn't having a "normal" creative brain—it's learning to work with the brain you have.
My Creative Reality Now: Systems That Actually Work
Today, my creative process looks completely different than what you might expect from a "traditional" artist:
My Morning Ritual
I start each creative session by reviewing my mood boards—visual reminders of what I love about my own work. I choose a color palette from my curated collection. I select a prompt that sparks excitement.
My Creating Process
I work with references open, building layers methodically. I check my "texture preferences" list when I'm adding details. I reference my successful pieces when making style decisions.
My Quality Check
I compare my work to my mood board to ensure consistency. I use my systematic checklist to make sure nothing's missing. I save variations so I can see my options side by side.
What looks like creative limitation has become creative liberation.
The Business Magic of Strategic Creating
Here's the beautiful plot twist: My systematic approach didn't just help me create better art—it accelerated my business growth exponentially.
Consistency Became My Brand
Because I use systems, my work has a cohesive feel that clients love. My patterns have a recognizable style because I follow proven frameworks instead of recreating my artistic voice from scratch every time.
Speed Became My Advantage
My templated approach means I can deliver client work faster without sacrificing quality. What takes other designers days takes me hours, allowing me to take on more projects and serve more clients.
Confidence Became My Strength
When you have systems that work, you approach new projects with confidence instead of uncertainty. Clients can feel that confidence, and it makes them trust your process.
My aphantasia "limitation" became my business superpower.
For Every Creative Mama Who Feels "Different"
Sweet friend, if you're reading this thinking, "I could never be an artist because my brain doesn't work the 'right' way," I want you to stop right there.
Maybe you can't visualize like other people. Maybe you struggle with spatial relationships. Maybe you need more references than your art teacher recommended. Maybe you learn differently, think differently, or process creativity differently.
None of that disqualifies you from being an artist.
Your different way of seeing the world is exactly what the creative world needs. Your unique perspective, your adapted methods, your creative workarounds—these aren't weaknesses to overcome. They're strengths to embrace.
The Systems That Changed Everything (And Could Change Yours Too)
Let me share the specific systems that transformed my aphantasia challenges into creative advantages:
The Color Confidence System
Since I can't "see" color combinations in my mind, I create curated color palettes and save them in organized folders. When I start a new project, I choose from these proven combinations instead of guessing.
The Style Memory Bank
I keep a mood board of my own best work—pieces where I captured exactly what I was going for. When I'm creating something new, I reference these pieces to stay consistent with my artistic voice.
The Prompt-to-Product Pipeline
I use specific creative prompts because they give my brain clear direction. Instead of staring at a blank canvas wondering what to create, I translate prompt words into visual elements systematically.
The Reference Revolution
I've built comprehensive reference libraries organized by theme, color, and style. These external visual libraries replace the mental visual library my brain can't create.
These systems don't limit my creativity—they amplify it.
The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
The biggest transformation in my artistic journey wasn't technical—it was mental. I stopped trying to create like other artists and started creating like me.
Here's what that looks like:
I Embrace My Need for References
Other artists might feel like using lots of references makes them "less creative." I know that references are my pathway to creative freedom.
I Celebrate My Systematic Approach
While other artists might create intuitively, I create strategically. Both approaches are valid, beautiful, and effective.
I Honor My Learning Style
I learn by doing, by building, by creating external systems that support my internal creative drives. That's not wrong—that's just how my brain works best.
I Trust My Process
Even when my process looks different from other artists', I trust that it leads me to authentic, beautiful work that only I can create.
I stopped trying to be a different kind of artist and started being the best version of the artist I already am.
What My Children See (And What I Want You to See Too)
My kids don't know I have aphantasia. They don't know that creating art is "harder" for me than for some other people. All they see is their mama making beautiful things, following her dreams, and showing them that creativity comes in infinite forms.
When my son watches me work with my color palettes and reference images, he doesn't think, "Mama needs help to create." He thinks, "Mama is so organized and intentional with her art!"
That's the reframe I want you to embrace: Your adaptations aren't limitations—they're innovations.
The Message That Changes Everything
If I—a self-taught artist with aphantasia who can't visualize anything in her mind—can build a thriving creative business, then creativity is absolutely possible for you too.
Your brain might work differently. Your creative process might look different. Your learning journey might take different paths.
But different doesn't mean lesser. Different means uniquely, beautifully you.
The creative world doesn't need another artist who creates like everyone else. It needs the artist who creates like you—with your perspective, your adaptations, your innovative workarounds, and your beautifully unique way of seeing and interpreting the world.
Your Creative Journey Is Valid, No Matter How It Looks
Sweet creative mama, whether you're just starting your artistic journey or you're deep in the struggle of finding your voice, I want you to know this:
You don't need to create like other artists to be a real artist. You don't need to have a "typical" creative brain to make beautiful art. You don't need to apologize for the tools, systems, or adaptations that help you create.
You just need to honor how your creativity wants to flow and give it the support it needs to flourish.
The Invitation to Your Own Creative Revolution
Your artistic journey doesn't have to look like mine, or like anyone else's you see online. It just has to look like you—authentic, intentional, and beautifully unique.
Maybe you need more references than other artists. Use them proudly. Maybe you learn differently or process visual information uniquely. Embrace that gift. Maybe you need external systems to support your internal creativity. Build them without apology.
Your creative brain is not broken—it's just waiting for the right systems to help it shine.
What's Your Story Going to Be?
I used to think my aphantasia disqualified me from being a "real" artist. Now I know it's part of what makes my art distinctly mine.
I used to apologize for needing so many references and systems. Now I share them proudly because they help other artists create more efficiently.
I used to hide my different creative process. Now I celebrate it because it shows other quiet creative mamas that there's no "wrong" way to make art.
My difference became my strength. Your difference can become yours too.
The Truth About Creative Possibility
Here's what I've learned after years of creating with a brain that works differently: Creativity isn't about having perfect visualization or natural artistic instincts. It's about having the courage to translate what's in your heart onto paper, canvas, or screen—however your brain needs to make that happen.
If creativity is calling to you, if you feel that pull toward making beautiful things, if art feels like breathing to you the way it does to me—then you already have everything you need to begin.
Not the "right" kind of brain. Not perfect visualization abilities. Not traditional artistic training.
Just the desire to create and the willingness to discover how your unique creativity wants to flow.
Because here's what I know for sure: Creativity is in our DNA. It's how we connect with each other and with the world around us. And if a self-taught artist with aphantasia can build a thriving creative business, then absolutely anything is possible for you too.
Your creative dreams aren't too big. Your brain isn't too different. Your journey isn't too unconventional.
You're just exactly the kind of artist the world has been waiting for.
Ready to discover how your unique creative brain wants to work? I've developed systems, templates, and prompts specifically designed to support different kinds of creative minds—because there's no one "right" way to make beautiful art.
What makes your creative process unique? I'd love to hear about your creative adaptations and celebrate your beautiful, different way of making art!
Keep creating, keep adapting, and remember: Your creativity is valid exactly as it is.
With deep understanding and endless creative love,
Aysa ✨
